The birth of a baby is a joyful experience. This bundle of joy with its
tiny feet makes the biggest imprint on the parent’s heart, for soon they
realize that their hearts beat outside their body. It marks a transition
of a woman into a mother, and that of a man into a father. It is the
beginning of a new dream, hope and the adventurous experience of
parenting. Many begin this journey without any prior knowledge but are
eager to learn. I would like to share some of the observations that I
have made over the years, related to few aspects of parenting.
Indian parents have variable parenting styles, a
little different from that described by the venerable Baumrind. You can
recognize the conservative ones by the fact that the father does all the
talking, while the mother keeps demurely quiet. However, she plays her
role by prompting the father in between, and filling in the blanks when
the father stops and asks her if there is anything else. At times the
parents and the child are accompanied by grandparents who cannot be
separated from the apple of their eyes. The parents hardly speak, for
the entire conversation is lead by the grandparents and it makes you
realize who is in charge at home. At times the mother does all the
talking and the father sits without saying a word. He does not seem to
have any opinion of his own and bows to the superior knowledge of his
better half. The ‘new generation’ parents march in together, the father
dutifully carrying all the baby paraphernalia, with the mother
confidently leading from the front. They have already consulted ‘Dr.
Google’ before coming to you. They bring the child within hours of the
onset of symptom and have lots of questions. They keep on referring to
their smartphone in between, which can sorely test your patience. The
‘new parents’ are anxious and carry their precious one with utmost care
like fragile glassware. They insist that you use a hand sanitizer before
you examine the baby and bring their own sterilized baby cloth for the
infant to lie upon. The ‘experienced parents’ appear relaxed and laugh
at their own misery as they take each episode of colic or tantrum with
ease and show a high threshold of tolerance.
Many parents claim that their child insists on being
seen by you and no one else. They believe that the mere sight of you and
the touch of your hand, coupled with the first dose of whatever medicine
you prescribe will miraculously cure the child. Some parents are
apprehensive and insist on an antibiotic for quick relief. Others
question your diagnosis, insist on tests and seek details of the drugs
prescribed. They usually get alarmed if you prescribe an antibiotic.
They are the ones most likely to discontinue the prescribed treatment or
continue to consult and heed ‘Dr. Google’. Another group of parents
repeatedly ask "Is it serious?" and "Is there anything to worry about?"
Vaccination triggers a range of reactions from
parents. Many parents insist that you vaccinate the child personally
as they feel you have a ‘soft’ and ‘gentle’ hand, as the
child never feels any pain and hardly troubles them later on, vis-a-vis
when the child is vaccinated by another staff member. Some parents
remain expressionless and stare blindly into the distance as you proceed
to vaccinate. A few grandparents eagerly come forward and engage the
child by talking or singing a lullaby, while holding the child gently,
but firmly still. The sensitive parents insist that you vaccinate only
after they leave the room, while the extra sensitive ones start crying
even before the baby does and continue to do so even when the baby has
settled down. The ‘new parents’ take the name of God or chant a mantra,
the ‘new generation’ parents try to keep the baby busy with a video or a
game on their smart phones, and the experienced parents know just how to
talk with their child soothingly to calm him/her down.
When it comes to symptoms, fever is the biggest enemy
and source of fear and parental anxiety. Many parents describe fever in
ways that defy traditional textbook description; serious, low, instantly
appearing and disappearing, heavy or normal. They put you in a quandary
as they want you to prescribe medicines separately for each of these.
Once a mother was on the verge of tears for her child with high grade
fever. She proclaimed that it was a case of poisoning and the child had
suffered from a similar problem in early infancy. When I asked her what
the child had consumed before, she replied that she had been told that
the fever had been due to an infection leading to the spread of poison
into the bloodstream. What she actually meant was septicemia!
Once a set of extremely scared parents broke the
queue, crying that their child had consumed 250 tablets. I became
alarmed and started searching for signs of any life threatening event,
only to find the child sitting comfortably with a smile on his face. On
elicitation of a more in-depth history, I discovered that the
child had consumed a 250 mg tablet and not 250 tablets. I recall another
incident when a child was brought with loose stools. When I told the
parents that he was suffering from ‘acute gastroenteritis with some
dehydration’, they were very impressed saying that the young
pediatrician whom they had consulted earlier had misdiagnosed it as
acute diarrhea. I remember being shocked to hear another set of parents
giving ‘electrical’ therapy to their child with loose motions.
Thankfully, on further enquiry, I realized they were referring to
the trademark ‘Electral’ of an oral rehydration product.
Once a mother confided that her son adored me and
wished to be just like me. I felt like patting my back and thought it
was my personality that had impressed him. My bubble burst when she said
that he loved my shirts and liked to dress similarly. When you undress a
child in order to examine him, you may often find coins or currency
notes in their pockets or hands. The child becomes very possessive about
them when you try to remove them, and a tantrum erupts. You learn that
this is for their daily ration of savories and biscuits. One parent said
it was a strategy to bring him to the hospital, otherwise the
child would never leave home. I was aware of the government incentive
for hospital-based delivery for mothers, but this was indeed news to me.
After the evaluation is over, many parents insist on
a demonstration of their child’s abilities to show body parts, sing a
rhyme or tell a story. This usually is a little time-consuming – for the
child when asked to show the nose may point to his eyes and vice
versa and this prompts a corrective action by the parents, and so on
and so forth. It is indeed very entertaining as the young ones try to
show off their new skills, but this may cause your schedule to go
haywire if you do not interrupt their act firmly and politely. Many
parents ask the child to say and wave bye-bye as they leave the
consulting room. The shy kid looks lost and the parents prompt him
loudly as they start waving wildly instead, but the child still
refuses to comply. Smart kids wave with a smile and the extra smart ones
give you a flying kiss and continue to wave to everyone in the clinic as
they depart.
Caring for children and their parents is a demanding
part of pediatric practice. However, such interactions make me realize
that finding humor in every situation is mankind’s greatest blessing and
medicine for the soul. Dr Seuss rightly said "From there to here, and
here to there, funny things are everywhere. It is the sweet, simple
things of life which are the real ones after all."
